Tuesday, June 7, 2011

This Mr. Stay Puft's okay! He's a sailor, he's in New York; we get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble!

A while ago I emailed my boss asking if we could set up a time to discuss my future with the company and what I would like to eventually do with my career. After an initial reaction of "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DID THAT I'M GOING TO VOMIT" I decided to become confident, non-self-concious woman rather than scaredy cat girl. Which led me to ask the big question: What DO I want to do with my life?

Over the past few years I've really had this annoying hankering to move to New York. It's unheard of, unthinkable, and quite honestly the biggest thing I think I could do short of moving to Greece and opening a cupcake shop. In other words, it would be awesome.

Aside from the fact that I'd have to find a new job, find a new place to live, learn how to hail a cab, figure out bus schedules, and invest in walking shoes, there really are a lot of things that seriously worry me about moving to New York.

1) Crime - I know everything says that crime has gone down over the years in NYC, but really... if it's gone down so much why do all the superheroes live there? Spiderman, the Fantastic Four, Captain America... And have you seen what happens in the movies? Explosions, buildings destroyed, damsels in distress; I could easily be kidnapped and hung upside down over a bridge while a spandex onesie wearing man flys around for an hour fighting another spandex onesie wearing man.

2) Various giant beings are an every day occurance - A giant marshmallow man is coming down 5th Avenue? Pshh... no big deal. The Statue of Liberty strolling down Madison? Happens every day. Giant ape climbing the Empire State Building? Really? Again? Are New Yorkers so jaded that this doesn't faze them?

3) Superheroes - Okay, I know I just talked about them, but here is my other issue. If all these superheroes live in New York, and no one knows their identity, what happens if you meet one on the street and end up going out on a date? Now, I know the chances of me going out with someone who is a secret superhero are slim to none, but I'm sure Mary Jane Watson didn't think she'd be dating Spiderman. I'm sure MJ didn't ever consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, the reason she keeps nearly falling off buildings or getting kidnapped is because her boyfriend is really Spiderman. I personally don't want to fall of buildings. Maybe it's just me.

4) All the hate in NYC creates a giant river of slime - Disgusting! That's all I have to say about that.

5) Rats - During my trip to NYC my friend Emilie told me about a game they play called "Spot the rat" while in the subway. Yeah, I won the first round having spotted a giant rat the second she finished telling me about the game.

6) Sick, twisted SVU crimes - I know I mentioned crime as the first thing that worries me, but have you noticed that just about every Law & Order takes place IN NEW YORK CITY?!?! Wow... I mean, c'mon... crazy crimes like that happen EVERY SINGLE WEEK? Good thing I'll have Benson and Stabler watching my back. Although I wouldn't mind watching Stabler's back...

7) Singing Street Gangs - Okay, maybe this one is a little far-fetched, but for some reason I'm not really scared of legit gangs... Not that I'm really scared of singing street gangs, but only in NYC could they exist. I do worry that I might get caught in a rumble and will have to pick between the Jets and the Sharks. Also, I probably should work on my grand plies just in case.

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