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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

By now I am sure that you have accepted all of my odd quirks and love them almost as much as you love me. If you don't, my apologies. You should have thought of that before you gave me the ring. Hopefully you will grow to love my little food songs, my overuse of Scrubs quotes, and my mad desire for Little House on the Prairie marathons. Just as I love how you take out the garbage, don't complain about my cooking, and pick up your socks even though I don't pick up mine.

I know how lucky I am to have you. Never in a million years did I think someone would be okay with a domestically challenged woman as myself but somehow you are. And I love you for that. Even if I'm not able to cook a fancy schmancy meal to show just how much I love you.

Once a very picky girl, I have grown into an even pickier woman who has not always known what she wants. It may have taken me a while to find you, but find you I did. I know that you're healthy, wealthy and wise, with handsome looks and charm that curls my toes. I know that you're the man of my dreams regardless of ever actually appearing in them. I know that one day when we begin our family our children will be beautiful because look at us. We're beautiful. And I know that my life has been enriched just by loving you.

I look forward to spending my life with you, experiencing things with you, growing old with you. I look forward to the day when we sit in our living room fussing like an old Jewish couple and are absolutely precious doing it. Because we will be that old Jewish couple who are absolutely precious, despite us not being Jewish. Unless you are. Then mazel tov. And when you're going through your mid-life crisis I promise not to roll my eyes too hard when you insist on buying that ostentatious cherry red convertable and will put sunscreen on your balding head when you insist on driving it around with the top down. Because I know you put up with me during all my crazy moments and baby, there will be lots of 'em!

Thank you for making my dreams come true, for giving me happiness and laughter, for entertaining my crazy schemes like the dreamboat Desi you are. I know that no matter how awesome I am, it's because of you that I am that much more awesome.

Hugs and Kisses,
Your darling wife

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

May the odds be ever in your favor!

Earlier today I had a brief, humor-laden serious discussion about the current drop in rating the US just received. At least I think that's what it was about. Whatever it was about it led me to say this:
and I think that we've completely [screwed] up this country over the past decade so it's almost beyond repair... like someone's going to have to give and no one is willing to do it
Which led to this gem:
oh god... this is how all those dystopian books start... a corrupt government, overthrowing it by the people... damnit! pretty soon they're either going to wipe us out or we're going to resort to the middle ages and be forced to marry and have babies!

Recently I've somehow subconciously discovered what is referred to as dystopian novels. For those who don't know what this means - don't worry, I didn't either at first - it's basically the opposite of utopian. Don't know what utopian means? What? Did you never see Ever After with Drew Barrymore? Pshh...

Dystopian mainly refers to "the idea of a society in a repressive and controlled state, often under the guise of being utopian." From Wikipedia. We all know it's a reliable source.

Now I'm seriously NOT a conspiracy theory nut or one of those "keep the government outta here!" type people. I'm really not. I truly still want to ahave faith in the government and believe that it's still "for the people." Although lately our government hasn't given me much hope. And isn't that slowly how dystopian societies in these books start? The people are dissatisfied with the government, they revolt, they riot, they try to overturn the government and either the government wipes them out or the rioters destroy the government and take over. (See Cuba and their happy ending)

Of course I don't see any of this happening in my lifetime or my potential children's lifetime. I just don't. But if these are the types of people our world is churning out (see below), I just don't see how we can stop a dystopian society from becoming our future.

And I don't mean that they will be the ones to rise up and overtake the goverment. Not unless they can Facebook about it.

Perhaps a dystopian society wouldn't be so bad. As long as you kept your head down and played by the rules maybe you could have a healthy and happy life. According to the many novels out there, apparently everything's taken care of for you. No longer will we have to worry about what our kids learn and whether one school system is better than the other. Everything is equal. Looking for love will be a thing of the past, if love isn't completely eradicated by then. Mates will be chosen for us and we won't have to stress about finding someone before we get too old. We'll all be married at a certain age anyway.

Yes, I know this all makes me sound like a crazy person. But as my friend Loraine* said: "At this point I'd rather do that then work 14 hour days and make no money. At least making babies requires me to be sleeping with a man which is better than right now too"
*Name changed to protect Emilie.

As long as my futuristic, government chosen husband looks like this:
I'd be okay with making babies for a living too.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Dear Myself

I would like to share a story. If I've already shared this story, then excuuuuuuse me Princess... but this is my blog.


When I was maybe 13 or 14 I decided to make a list of things I wanted to do by the time I was 16. I was going to open it on my 16th birthday in hopes that I had accomplished the things on my list. So I made this list, folded it up and taped it on the inside of my dresser's top drawer (you know it's important and private if it goes in the top drawer). As my birthday drew nearer I grew more and more excited. I even went as far as bragging to everyone about this. I tried imagining what all my younger self had wanted to accomplish, had I accomplished those things, etc. When it was time to read the list I could hardly contain myself. I opened the drawer, ripped out the folded up paper and opened it. And it was....

Something completely different. There was no list. It was like a piece of scrap paper with something random on it. No list. No goals. Nothing.

This really was one of my more embarrassing moments. But still a funny story.

In the show How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) they often have this bit "You know who could handle this? Future us." (note: this is not a direct quote from the show) Since I am one of those people who regularly adopts funny lines from shows and uses them as my own catch phrases (ex. "frick", "awesome", "funsies", "You son of a beetch!", etc.) I sometimes catch myself saying "You know who would be awesome at doing this? Future Candice." Well, Future Candice, you ARE awesome.

When I was a freshman in high school we had to write letters to ourselves that we would open right before graduation. Since mine was so ridiculously dumb, I'm going to refrain from explaining what it was about. This is just another prime example of how awesome Future Candice is. Because Future Candice would never write about lame things like how super cute that guy in band is.

Since Future Candice is so awesome, I wanted to write a letter to her. So here goes:

Dear Future Candice,
Hi! How is it in year 2021 (yes, 2021... because I'm sure this blog will still be awesome then)? Hopefully great!

I hope by now you have found a career that satisfies you and pays your bills. And leaves you lots of money left over for fun stuff... like shopping! Did you ever take that trip to Greece? I hope so because I'm really wanting to go.

I'm also hoping by now you've managed to have a somewhat successful relationship. And I hope that includes with someone other than yourself! Maybe that's a little harsh, but by 38 you should have at least found someone to love you!

There are so many things I hope you have done and discovered by now, such as had your book published and learned how to clean your apartment. Geez I hope you aren't still living in an apartment! Unless it's one in NYC, then that's acceptable. You did move there, right? Please don't tell me I'm still stuck in Tuscaloosa!

Finally, what is your hair like? Did it turn completely grey? Are you still rocking the Stacy London look? Is Stacy London even relevant?

Love and Kisses!
Candice

P.S. Did the last Twilight movies really suck?

Monday, August 1, 2011

You want me to do WHAT?!


Earlier this morning I read this really great article by Marlo Thomas entitled "Passing the Torch... Who's Going to Run With It?" Basically it was about growing feminism for the next generation (or at least that was what the tweet on twitter tweeted about it... tweet). Anywho... here is the link to it. Go ahead. Give it a read. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marlo-thomas/growing-feminism-for-the-_b_914380.html

Read it? Great huh? It's really inspiring to know that in today's world opportunities are opening up for women by leaps and bounds. In today's world there's nothing a woman can't do simply because she's a woman.

Growing up I never had a hero. People I admired maybe but never an actual hero. Which, looking back, I find to be a shame because as I was a child women were beginning to take the world by storm. There was no longer an excuse NOT to have one. This got me thinking: If I didn't have a role model or a hero, what did I have?

I just read a blog post about books that changed lives and decided to comment on it. The first book that sprang to mind was Catherine Called Birdy which was a favorite of mine growing up. Not to go into any details, but it was basically about a girl ahead of her time. Another favorite, The Awakening. Again, woman ahead of her time. A Doll's House. A woman ahead of her time. Seeing a pattern here? Me too.

Over the past few years I've started to become more aware of the advances of women in both the workforce and in the world. It wasn't too long ago that I remember telling my grandmother that I didn't think a woman would do well as a president. I really wish I could go back and slap that version of me. On second thought, maybe not; that would hurt. My point is, why would I think that? Why would I tell myself, and firmly believe, that women can't do what men can?

The truth is I don't know. I could say that I thought the world wasn't ready for a female president of the United States. But why not?! Other countries have women leaders - Germany, England, Liberia, Finland, India, Argentina, Australia... the list goes on! Why not us? Why not the US? Okay... off that soapbox.

My point is and original reason for writing this post is that today's women can do anything, be anything, achieve anything. Our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers fought and pushed to get us to where we are today. If anything, I wish I could tell girls how successful they can be, how beautiful they can be, etc. and that they don't have to be Snookie or whatever crap MTV pushes out to be awesome!

I think Reese Witherspoon summed it up best (ironically at the MTV Movie Awards) “I know it’s cool to be bad; I get it,” she said. “But it’s also possible to make it in Hollywood without a reality show.” It's also possible to make it anywhere.

Note: I should let you know what brought on this girl power rant. Last week my boss told me that he wanted me to clean the office really well because one of his bosses is coming back into town and wanted to make sure the office looked good for him. Apparently I work on the set of Mad Men. However, according to my friend Emilie, if I did work on Mad Men haha well on Mad Men I'd "at least have a really attractive... boss who might bang you on the side." Thanks Emile Bunle for putting that into perspective.