Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Dream Man With Help from Ken

Yesterday, after singing a little song to my cookie that I was eating, it dawned on me that it's going to take a very special man to put up with me. And by special I mean slightly short bus special... or really really REALLY awesomely patient. So it got me thinking about what my ideal type of man is. To be honest, I've really never thought about it. I can tell you what I don't want... but not what I do.

So, with a little help from Ken, I think I'll describe what my ideal man would be.

Although not most important, I think the best place to start would be with looks. Please use the picture to the right as a guide:
1) Hair - While Ken nowadays is usually blonde, he originally was a brunette. I completely prefer brown hair over blonde. There's really very little wiggle room with this.
2) Arms - Okay, I'm a sucker for arms. Not like bulgy muscley arms... just nice ones.
3) Hands - Even bigger sucker for hands. Weird? Probably.
4) Physique - Really... the whole washboard abs and rippling pectorals don't do a whole lot for me.
5) Yeah, I know what you're thinking pervos... While I would prefer my guy be anatomically correct, in this instance I was referring to the swim shorts. The shiny purple shorty shorts do nothing. Neither do the weird 80s sunglasses, but hey... it's Malibu Ken. What do you expect?
6) Height - yeah, I bet you thought I was going to say legs. Wrong! I'm not picky about height just as long as he's not my height and is tall enough to at least reach things on high shelves.

I would kind of prefer he looked a little like this (only real of course):

Next is obviously job. In college I used to judge guys on what their major was. English major? Yeah, we're not going out. Business major? I'll think on it once I've heard what you want to do after college. Pre-law or Political Science? Marry me. Now obviously I can't use majors to judge men because the idea of going out with a college guy really is weird now. So jobs... First off, I should go ahead and say up front that I'm not a gold digger (although my sister would argue with that statement). I just want a guy who has a good job. Is that so wrong? Of course by good job I mean something in the legal or government field so I can live vicariously through them. And also... all that smart is hot. Whispering sweet nothings into my ear? Eh, kind of awkward. Talking about jurisprudence or habeas corpus... wow. Just wow.

This leads me to one of the most important qualities I look for: being able to put up with the crazies. I'm a quirky girl. Whoever I end up with is going to have to deal with a lot of quirks and be okay with them. Here is a short list of the quirky things the guy would need to put up with:
My obsession with Scrubs
Singing to my food (a la Scrubs style)
Little House on the Prairie marathons
My odd enjoyment of YA fiction
Harry Potter
My love of popcorn and pancakes
The fact that I'm a terrible housekeeper
Reading wedding magazines and talking about how cute we would look under a floral arrangement like the one on page 178
My aversion to being touched
Weird blog entries like this one

So you see? There's kind of a lot of weird things that I do that the guy would have to be okay with. He would be pretty stellar if he thought all those things about me were cute. I know that's pushing it, but it could happen!

Also, something that kind of unneccessarily worries me... I don't want him to leave me for a younger blonde. Repeat: Do not leave for younger blonde.

Finally... politics. Now, I know I'm not really a "political" kind of woman. In fact, I don't know very much about them. But I do know that it's important for me to be with a Republican. Not so I can please my family or something, but because Democrats (in my experience) drive me insane. All that pansy "free-love" everyone should be equal we should help the world hippie BS. They shouldn't and no one wants to help the world except you. Although I really wouldn't want a radical Republican who gets obnoxious... although if I'm going to end up with a lawyer or political person I guess I can't have everything. Okay, he can be slightly obnoxious as long as he'll watch some of the Little House on the Prairie marathon with me.

So, as you see, my perfect guy would be a smart, marginally attractive, non-cheating, able to put up with quirks, slightly un-obnoxious Republican lawyer.

Or Zac Efron.

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