Monday, January 17, 2011

In a world full of Barbies, I'm a Midge...

The other day I was at the bookstore with my mom and happened to pick up a Barbie book, one of those ones that shows Barbie through the years. I realized that I wasn't a Barbie. I'm a Midge.

Now, that does sound kind of depressing, doesn't it? I don't mean it as it probably sounds. Granted I'm not blonde like Barbie and do have darker hair like Midge. So yeah, in that respect I totally am a Midge. According to Wikipedia Midge "had a fuller, gentler face mold that was less sexually intimidating." Again... totally a Midge.

My comparision between myself and Midge isn't physical - although as a little girl I always wanted a Midge doll even though no one likes to be Midge when you play Barbies. My comparision is this: Barbie has been hundreds of things and Midge has just been in her shadow.

Barbie has been an aerobics instructor, a dentist, a doctor, a nurse, an officer in every branch of the military (including a paratrooper and a thunderbird), ran for President of the United States three times (and was President in 2000 when she didn't even run), a firefighter, a Canadian Mountie, an artist, a cowgirl, a cheerleader, a McDonald's cashier, a babysitter, a ballerina, and a princess. Now, that's not EVERYTHING Barbie's been in her 40-some odd years she's been around, but that's a hell of a career.

You know what Midge has been? Married and pregnant. Granted, Alan, her husband, is pretty hot for a plastic doll, which totally gives me hope, but still... How can you compete with a best friend who literally has it all?

It got me thinking... did Midge ever sit around and think "That bitch Barbie. I hope something crappy happens to her." Well, Barbie's "boyfriend" Ken was kind of a tool... that was pretty crappy. But seriously, I wonder if Midge ever got tired of being in Barbie's shadow and never having all the amazing opportunities Barbie had. Because that's how I feel.

Before I go on, I should point out that I'm definitely not a jealous kind of person and I really am happy for every friend who has a great job. But sometimes I get a little Midgey. Why can't I be a Canadian Mountie like Barbie? Why can't I buy a house/own expensive shoes/get cable? Why can't I have a job that isn't ridiculously low paying? You see? Midgey.

But you know what Barbie? Midge is just as awesome as you are. There's no reason she has to be stuck home with three kids and a husband while you're out gallavanting around as a Sea World trainer or a TV chef or a cat burgular (yeah, I know it was you who stole my necklace). Midge can do all those things and more. Because Midge is a sassy red-head with cute freckles and a sexually less intimidating face than you.

So for all the Midges out there, this is the year that this sassy red-head (until the hair color fades) is going to become a Canadian Mountie. Take that Barbie.

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