Wednesday, March 2, 2011

#3 Done!!!... Sort of.

I meant to post this on Valentine's day, but I was too busy with Valentine's Day to actually write.

I have been in love exactly three times in my relatively short life. The first was in high school, which really shouldn't count but I feel it was the first time I truly felt "love." (I say that under quotations because I'm not quite sure it was actually love or maybe just the moment I was in) There was this guy I met while in high school (summer before junior year maybe?) and I developed a huge crush on him. We "dated" or "talked" or whatever the heck we called it back then but I'm fairly certain now it wasn't a real relationship. They'll never make a movie about us. But I felt very strongly for him. To the point I felt a physical WOW moment when I realized I was actually in love with him. Of course, this moment came during the middle of a church "revival" type concert we had gone to... so, it could have been God moving in me. But I think it was "love."

The second time I felt "love" was with a good guy friend (who I really hope isn't reading this right now) and have honestly been "in love" with him since we started talking (grown up talking, not high school dating-talking). I think my love for him was actually transferred to him from another guy when my friend said "neat" about something I said and the guy I had liked previously always said "neat" and I thought it was super cute. Whatever. I was 20.

Anywho... "in love" with guy friend, never going to happen between us, am focusing on letting myself accept we're just friends. It's working out for me... a little.

The last and most recent time I fell in love was the second I laid eyes on my puppy (who really isn't a puppy anymore but she'll always be that way to me) Ginger. Maybe it's a little lame to fall in love with a dog, but who cares? She's the absolute love of my life. The moment I saw her and held her, I would have done anything to keep her. I still would do anything or pay anything to keep her. I look for places to live based on her. I make travel plans based on her. I plan my social calendar based on her. Honestly, if you get to feel this much love when you have a kid, sign me up for 20! (No, really... please don't.)

All this being said I wouldn't say these three times quantify as falling head over heels in love with something. But then Valentine's Day came and, unlike the millions of women who hate V-Day or moan "woe is me, I don't have anyone who loves me!" all day, I decided to take the day of love into my own hands.

I know that one day I'll meet someone and will fall in love (true love, mind you) and they will fall in love with me and we'll live ever after (note I didn't say "happily"... you can never tell and who wants life to be perfect?). Until then, why should I waste love? Why should I go months or years of being single and not love? I shouldn't! So who should I love until Prince Zac comes along? Me, of course! Because if I don't love me the most, why would anyone else?

I know how egotistical that must sound and I truly don't mean it that way. To paraphrase Carrie Bradshaw, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. If you don't love yourself, what makes you think someone else will? No, I'm not perfect and I have tons of flaws. But that's okay. I'm still awesome.

So in conclusion maybe I haven't fallen head over heels with something like I intially thought I would but I think this is so much better. I may not look, act, sound, or think like the most perfect woman in the world, but in my opinion, I'm okay with that. I'm head over heels in love with me just the way I am.

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