If I could write my own job description... It would be awesome

It's a funny thing, really, when you think about your job. What it is you ACTUALLY do vs what you were HIRED to do. I often wonder would I have even applied for my job had I known exactly what all it entailed.

Thinking...

Thinking...

Thinking...

Yeah, I probably would still have applied. I was that desperate back then.

In hindsight, which IMO is the best sight to have, the job hasn't been that bad. I've learned a lot, I've grown somewhat of a backbone, I've learned not to let little things get me down. But, just in case there is something better just around the bend *coughNewYorkcough* I've decided to create a more accurate job description for the person who one day takes my place

Event Coordinator Job Description

Office Equipment Repairperson/Guru - The Event Coordinator is required to know all facets of the office equipment, including but not limited to Fax Machine, Copier, Laminator, Scanner, etc. Should the Event Coordinator for some reason not know the reason behind malfunctioning equipment, whether due to overusage or ignorant employees who don't know how to use said equipment, he or she must figure out how to fix said equipment so ignorant employee can continue with their job.

Information Specialist - The Event Coordinator must be familiar with all internet websites that may contain any information others may need at any given time. He or she must always be able to find answers to a variety of questions, including football/commencement/academic/Prince William's schedules; phone numbers to clients who had an event that one time three years ago; and why Vanderbilt is the Commodores.

Psychic Medium - Must be able to see into the future and forsee all needs and wants of anyone at any given time. Whether they are a client or not. This may also include knowing what type of salad Nick Saban enjoys.


Historian - Ability to keep impeccable records of all events dating to before Event Coordinator graduated from high school. Prefer person who is able to recall dates at the drop of a hat and provide facts regarding said dates.


Therapist/Psychologist - Provide free services for customers and co-workers with various problems and disorders. These may range from "my boss just told me we need cookies for this afternoon," and "but only 8 of my 10 guests showed up and I don't want to pay for 10" to "my husband pissed me off this morning so I'm going to take it out on you." Therapist license preferred but not required.

Detective - Ability to research and provide facts from mulitple months or years prior, including what type of spice was used on that thing with the brown stuff on top that was served at the event that was back in 2007 or 2004 when that man with the grey toupe sat at the third or fourth table and ordered a glass of water.

Miracle Worker - At any given time miracles must be performed. These are not limited to Annie Sullivan miracles but may also include miracles of the Biblical kind.

Yes, yes you can add water at the last minute! W-A-T-E-R!

Sound like an interesting job? No? You're right... it's actually not. Except for the miracle working part. That's pretty awesome.